Nightmare Fuel.

Seriously. Wait til daylight to watch this.



Wish I had.

Definitely to Bee.

Because not to bee is no longer an option.



I've thought of like 15 bee puns since I started typing this and I've decided to spare you. Just look how cute all the little stripey bees are and try not to laugh at the thought of how terrified these poor little arctic children would be if they ever were to see a real one.



We made bees, butterflies, and paper plate fish last week. Because it's spring. Sort of.

An Actual Conversation

I was arrested by masked vigilantes yesterday. I didn't remember until I checked the camera.



See?

I was just standing there, minding my own business, when my arms were grabbed and pulled behind my back.

Them: You're under arrest!

Me: Hey! You got nothing on me!

Them: You're going to jail!

Me: What'd I do?

Them: You beat a nun!

Me: I... whuh?

Them: And now you'll go to jail forever!

Me: Wait... a nun? What nun? Where...?

Them: *maniacal laughter*

Me: I'm not making masks for you guys anymore.

Them: Ok, you can go.

How four year olds got it in their heads to apprehend nun-assailants I do not know. All I know is it was hilarious. Nice to see they have their priorities in line too.

Bigger Than Life

I’m jonesing for a movie so bad.

I made it all the way through March without jumping ship for a movie, but I want one. The whole movie experience is such a cool one, and I haven’t been out of Barrow since Christmas! (I saw Avatar and Princess and the Frog then) And it doesn’t help that all that’s on TV are movie trailers!

Just tonight I want to see:

The Losers

How to Train Your Dragon

Clash of the Titans

Alice in Wonderland

Shutter Island

Repo Men

There may be more, but I have to get to work. Swoon and pine!

(Title is from this:
)

Argh.

Augh. The woe of the plague-ridden. I had been doing so well not getting a cold, but this one was crafty and waited until I was asleep. You know how they say you eat spiders in your sleep? I must’ve gotten one that was a plague bug in disguise. It wasn’t there at midnight, but was in full swing by 8 am. Urgh. There are things happening in my sinuses that I have never known before.

I’ve blown the outside of my poor nose too raw to hold tissue to before, but this time, the inside of my nose just hurts all the way to my eyeballs every time I so much as sniffle. Is not good! But I only have two more conferences before I can go home. Too bad they’re an hour apart. Nnnngh.

All right, enough weird noises out of me. Here, fresh from the lurid imaginations of sweet children, creatures of their own design. I made the clay a little too wet, but they did all right with it.





Sea and circus life forms abound, and a few snowmen too, to be painted as soon as they dry.

Relax-o-vision in Blog Form

Sit back.

Relax.

Let Tuesday's harpy-claw grip go slack and fall from you.

Still clinging? Look at this.


Look how cute he is. Look at the little paws in the little smiling mouth. Look at the shiny little eyes. Doesn't he look like he's laughing?

Look again. Imagine how sleek and soft his little otter belly is.

Isn't that precious?

Is there any Tuesday left on you?

If so, think of how cute animals tend to have cute names. Think about it: Otter. Fennec. Panda. Ocelot. 'Possum. All adorable. All fun to say.

Relax. Tuesday is practically over.

Still tense? Just keep watching the ticklish otter. It will get you to Wednesday.

It will.

Good at Stealth, Bad at Hygiene

I've been watching too many cryptozoology shows on Discovery Channel.

Yesterday, it warmed up to 0 and there was no wind so I thought I would walk to the store. I didn't even need snowpants, but I should probably have remembered gloves. Oh well. I cut behind the senior center and since that was near where I saw the polar bear that one time, I became more cautious. Nothing ruins a nice stroll for some corn chips like ending up a red smear on the snow. Snowpants or not, I can't outrun one of those things.

So I'm in alert mode, and maybe my senses heightened a little too much because all of a sudden, I'm just about to gag from the stink. Just a terrible, oily, greasy, rancid, sickly sweet, rotten meat funk.

And the first dorky thought to go through my mind? It was: Isn't Bigfoot supposed to stink?

Like there was a Bigfoot hanging out behind the old folks' home. Maybe to meet women. I don't know. Then I realized that there were two skin boats being stretched back there and it was the skins I was smelling. (They stretch and bleach and other things for whaling season.) My second thought was a little more relevant. Would that reek draw in polar bears? I got out of there. I couldn't breathe and bears rate pretty high on my threat levels.

And Bigfoot is tricksy:


Heehee! I like his expression in the bottom one. I've made that face a few times. I don't remember if I had a bat.