THIS.

Yes, I've been squirrelly today. Maybe watching everybody out and doing stuff on the Olympics has me antsy. But I'm an assignment behind on my class schedule so I need to get back on track and it's hard when I just this jittery!

Snow Day

Children Stories That We Hate (a rant)

Our book club kinda devolved into a open bar/buffet/bitchnmoan session, but we do still discuss books. Our last meeting got onto books we hate to read out loud. We’re all elementary school teachers, so we have to do this on a regular basis. We all teach different grades, so the list is a little varied. Charlotte’s Web is hard to read without crying. A Taste of Blackberries. Bridge to Terabithia. That sort of thing. Everybody had some they really dreaded coming around in the curriculum.

I deal with shorter children, so I read shorter stories. But everyone agreed that these were depressing and terrible to read to a class. These are my three.

The Giving Tree: OMG. I’ve heard a lot of different arguments about it. Some say the kid is thoughtless and selfish. Some say it’s a parable about unconditional love. Some say the tree is the boy’s by right of being made in God’s own image and would be useless if he didn’t make something out of it. Some say it’s just a tree and feels nothing for the boy or its own dismantling. I don’t care. I just hate the story. I think this should’ve happened on page 2 and saved me a lot of time.

The Rainbow Fish: What is the message here? If you want to be popular allow those who would shun you otherwise to tear the parts of you they envy from your flesh? That being special and unique means nothing if you don’t cater to the wishes of everyone around you? That your own happiness means so little that you are expected to mutilate yourself and call it ‘sharing’. Nothing says ‘good friend’ like letting someone who resents you pull a piece of your body off so they can pretend they are you! Buffalo Bill in a children’s book!

I’ll Love You Forever: Is this supposed to be heartwarming? It’s not. It starts out ok. Mom loves baby no matter how bratty. But she doesn’t seem to notice that baby grows up. Her obsession reaches the point where, in his adult years, she breaks into his house to hold and fondle him in his sleep. Two things I thought, even as a kid? #1. How does he sleep through this? I’m partially deaf and a heavy sleeper and I still wake up when the cat walks across my head. And #2. There’s a reason there’s no wife to also be awoken by Psycho-Obsesso Mom and her ladder. One encounter with that for a potential mother-in-law and a husband who has been conditioned to some bizarre midnight Mommy ritual and any girl with good sense and someone to call for a ride will be outta there.

Wow. I needed that. Apologies to everyone who actually likes these books, but I meant every word and writing them was therapeutic. Ahhh. Now I can sleep.

I Have Found This To Be True

And without the one, the other would not exist.

Be that as it may, guess which kind I seem to have the most of in class?

Battle may be lost, but the war goes on.

They say that if you have to raise your voice to a child you have already lost the battle.

Well, bring on the crows and scavengers, because this voice of mine? Was RAISED.

Now, I usually have to shout a little just to be heard over the commotion. We’re a noisy bunch. But today, we reached a whole new low in social interaction: bear-baiting. Only instead of a bear, they chose the biggest kid in class. Not fat, just big. Husky, we’ll say. And ¾ of the class surrounded him and started chanting his name and poking him with their fingers.

What the hell is THIS?? I thought, already on the move. The kid naturally didn’t appreciate this treatment, and before I could get there, he lashed out, swinging fists and yelling for them to leave him alone. They scattered, giggling, and then closed around him again! One grabbed him from behind, and held his arms, and another one dashed up and punched him in the stomach!

And I exploded. I roared. EVERYbody got time out for that one. Except for like the five kids who had nothing to do with it and were peering from across the playground in horror at this bellowing creature who had stolen their teacher’s clothes.

Once they were all scared and quiet, I chewed them all out and let them go back to play in groups of three and four while I lectured the others. Grrawr.

Life went on.

Later in the afternoon, with the three year olds, I had to take two of them to the office. Three year olds! Babies! To the office! For biting. And not at the same time. The first one happened at story time. This year’s batch of three year olds is incapable of sitting through a story unless it’s Where the Wild Things Are or Wolves in the Walls, but we were gonna try. And one of them hauls off and bites the kid next to him. Not for the first time. We’ve talked about this before. His dad and I have discussed it. And my temper was gone.

So I yelled again. Marched him out in tears to the office. Came back to a huddle of babies all bug-eyed.

“Why were you so mad?” asked one of the more outspoken ones.

“He’s not allowed to hurt you guys!” I snapped, still kinda loud. I hate it when they get hurt on my watch. It just wigs me out. “NOBODY is allowed to hurt ANYBODY!”

“He hit me too,” offered one.

“And he yelled in my ear,” said another.

“And THAT’S why he’s in the office,” I said. “No fighting in school! No fighting, no biting, no pinching, punching, kicking, or calling names! NOW, let’s try this again… If you give a mouse a cookie…”

The kid was brought back from the office, very contrite. He apologized and was very well-behaved for the rest of the day. Then, at clean-up time, one of his classmates (this one again) jumped on another kid’s back like a jaguar and bit him on the side. There were screams. None of them mine, thankfully.

I didn’t have to yell this time. I didn't have the energy anyway. I just marched him out to the office too. Luckily his aunt was there and she chewed him out for me. There were more tears and promises to be good.

Tomorrow has to be better right? I can’t take too many more days like this one.

Awww!

Look how cute this is! It doesn’t look real, it’s so cute! Like an especially adorable, sleepy muppet! All it needs is an especially adorable voice. Any suggestions for baby sloth voice actors? First thought is E.G. Daily (voice of Tommy in Rugrats) but Nicky Jones might pull it off too.



I have high hopes for Tuesday. Monday was kind of a blur. I think I might have to call Mom back and find out exactly what I babbled about or if I dreamed it all. Tuesday will be better! I've already made two bags of play-dough for the kids to sculpt with. Here's hoping it works out. If it does, I'll get pictures.

TGIF

FEBRUARY IS UPON US!

Title comes from a conversation with Mom. We were listing off all the things that have gone wrong since the weekend. It's been BAD. Fires, devastations, suicide, slap fights, knife fights, inservices, field trips, fever blisters, sad music videos, outside bus duty in terrible weather, and TB shots. Which is probably why Tuesday feels like Friday and I wish it was!

Sigh. Whatever the calendar says, February is the longest month.